Processing Heartbreak and Uncertainty on GAPS

Within the past month my partner and I split up. We had been together for 7 years and engaged for over 1. During this time, fleas infested my cats and those little buggers invaded our airbnb. Meanwhile, I was & still am displaced from fleeing a toxic living situation + the infamous wildfires in Oregon that happened shortly thereafter [thousands of people lost their homes in my area].  So I don’t know how you’ve been doing lately, but I haven’t been doing so well. 

 

***scroll down for video/ audio version***

Uncertainty

I have no idea where I am going to go.  More so than ever now that my partner and I have decided not to share a life together anymore.  And The Good Side is that I haven’t seen a flea on my cats for 5 days now, but any tingling or itching sensation I have convinces me that the fleas have reemerged to take over my life again.  I can’t use poison to kill them. And if you knew my story, you would know why. But basically, I have record-breaking levels of pesticides in my body, and I cannot afford the risk.  So I have to figure fleas out the real way. The analog way. The GAPS way.

 

I’m exhausted. My life is falling apart.  Yet everyone I talk to exclaims how well I seem despite my circumstances.  People tend to be confused on how I am not a puddle on the floor with a melting face. And I can say that I’m pretty surprised as well. 

 

***Also want to bring in the inherent privilege of this conversation. That though my life is difficult, I still embody white privilege, socioeconomic privilege, educational privilege, hetero privilege, and of course the PRIVILEGE of being on GAPS.  And though I can definitely still f*** my life up, there is always at least a less-than-ideal safety net waiting to catch me. ***

 

Truly Feeding Myself

Over the last few months, I’ve been talking about stress and the physical conditions that make our bodies, who have our best interests in mind, hold onto physical issues that aren’t ultimately serving us [like binging, cravings, yeast, parasites, etc].  And that our struggles have nothing to do with us as people but the environment we’ve been immersed in (((both inside and outside of our bodies))) ever since we can remember. 

 

Maybe melting into a puddle on the floor is the completely ‘normal’ thing to do in my circumstances. But after over a year of doing the GAPS protocol to a ’T’ {aka Real GAPS}, I’m starting to realize the natural strength and resilience that’s been locked up inside my body all along.  My ability to stay present with all of this heartbreak + uncertainty and to ‘embrace the suck’ definitely has to do with what I’m eating. You can find the foods to support your body in it’s stress process here

 

But my ability to be ‘cool as a cucumber’ (I don’t know if I would go THAT far, but you know what I mean haha) has A LOT to do with knowing my human design, learning how to read human design charts from Jenna Zoe, and uncovering my subconscious inner child & shadow blocks with Lacy Phillips

 

Nourishing my Body Leads to Nourishing my Soul

First of all, GAPS gives me the physical resources to show up for this inner work.  So I want to say that FIRST AND FOREMOST.  However, the self-healing definitely doesn’t stop there!  I’ve been realizing in working with my clients lately that a lot of my meetings will turn into partial human design readings.  Especially when we first start the program. Because in reading their human design charts, I’m basically teaching them how to use + manage their own unique energy, which looks completely different for every single person.

 

It’s so cathartic to hear yourself reflected and validated for the unconventional ways your soul has been wanting to live this whole time! And then be able to live your life accordingly- aligned with what your body actually wants and finding the healing within that. If you don’t know much about human design, I wrote an article about it here, but it was before I decided to take a class that trained me as a human design reader. So though I’ve mustered the heart to write this article, this human design one will not be getting an update today! 

 

Bringing ‘Holistic Health’ to a New Level

I think really what I want to bring up is that knowing how my unique energy works has provided healing in the deepest of ways.  I’ve been in the holistic health world for almost a decade now, the GAPS world for the last 5, and I’ve NEVER felt more comfortable + safe in my own body than I do TODAY as a 30 year-old lady.  Yes, this has to do with finally learning how to do GAPS correctly (tweaking my errors to the point that I’m convinced no one on GAPS is doing everything right), {AKA Real GAPS}, but it also has to do with being on the human design path for the last year or so, learning what it means to be ME and no one else.  Learning how to be + eat for my energy type and the particular way I digest food + information. 

 

Also, when any trigger comes up in this uncertainty I call my life, I know how to process it through Lacy Phillips’ work.  I’ve learned that when I’m triggered, there is such golden information about myself at the root of the issue.  And if I show up to do the internal work around it, I will be rewarded with self-worth, clarity, and peace. 

 

Tools for Heartbreak & Uncertainty

I have no means figured out the secret to life yet.  But I know I am processing the complete shit-show my life is like a champ.  And through all of this, I’m still taking care of myself. I’m still eating all GAPS foods, taking detox baths at night, etc.  I keep on showing up for myself, and I know I’ll never give up.  I’d like to attribute my attitude + temperament I’ve been able to maintain throughout this rock bottom to GAPS first & foremost.  But also the inner work of getting to know my unique human design and uncovering my subconscious blocks that keep me from being in my highest self worth.

 

And just to be clear I was NOT always like this.  The moment I decided I needed to go on GAPS 5 years ago was because I punched 3 holes in the wall for a reason I cannot remember.  So if you are losing your cool and cannot identify with what I’m saying, know that if I can get to this point, anyone can. <3